also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
