The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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