I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
