Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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