I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
