my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize