The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize