i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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