His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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