i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
