..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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