Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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