how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
