i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
