walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
