his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
