Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
