i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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