That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize