I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
