the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
