my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize