he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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