I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize