i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
