i was born a porn star she said
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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