Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
