we have officially lost it.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
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