mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
