So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
