I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
