Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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