just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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