I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
