Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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