My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
