I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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