I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
