somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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