Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
