so let's talk penis.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize