mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
