Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
