Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
