i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My pussy is not your playground.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
