i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
