Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
