Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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