if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
