New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize