brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
