i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
