Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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