final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
