Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
