Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
