First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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