Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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