Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
