I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need to calm my uterus...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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