My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize