he was CRYING into my vagina
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
