I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
