Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
