I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dick very happy bro
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
