i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
