Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
