Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
