That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
