4 words: hood of his car
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
