Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
