I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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