he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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