we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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