Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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