I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
