dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
