im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
