thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
