I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i will never coherently bang her
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
