just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
