i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
