And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize